Cards
MALLS WILL BLEED YOU DRY
Front: Time to go shopping. Back: This fucking sucks.$5.00 Add to cartFront: Time to go shopping.
Back: This fucking sucks.
MRS. BITCH CLAUS
Front: Santa Claus is great. Back: But Mrs. Claus is a real bitch.$5.00 Add to cartFront: Santa Claus is great.
Back: But Mrs. Claus is a real bitch.
TRAFFIC STOP
Front: Have you ever wondered where Santa gets his money? Back: It's from sex trafficking.$5.00 Add to cartFront: Have you ever wondered where Santa gets his money?
Back: It’s from sex trafficking.
HAPPY WHATEVER
Front: Happy Holidays. Back: Or whatever the fuck we're supposed to say not to be offensive.$5.00 Add to cartFront: Happy Holidays.
Back: Or whatever the fuck we’re supposed to say not to be offensive.
CARROT WANG
Front: Frosty was at the winter carnival. Back: He was flashing everyone his carrot wang.$5.00 Add to cartFront: Frosty was at the winter carnival.
Back: He was flashing everyone his carrot wang.
MAIL ORDER BRIDE
Front: Congrats on finding the perfect bride. Back: Did you buy her off the internet?$5.00 Add to cartFront: Congrats on finding the perfect bride.
Back: Did you buy her off the internet?
LOVE MARRIAGE BABIES
Front: First comes love. Then comes marriage. Back: Then everyone starts bugging you about having kids.$5.00 Add to cartFront: First comes love. Then comes marriage.
Back: Then everyone starts bugging you about having kids.
OPEN IT UP
Front: Congratulations on your engagement. Back: Will it be an open bar?$5.00 Add to cartFront: Congratulations on your engagement.
Back: Will it be an open bar?
NO CASH VALUE
Front: Everyone loves getting money in a card. Back: But I don't want to put a dollar value on our relationship.$5.00 Add to cartFront: Everyone loves getting money in a card.
Back: But I don’t want to put a dollar value on our relationship.
CRAZY SHIT
Front: You deserve to be celebrated. Back: You do a lot of crazy shit... And you're still alive.$5.00 Add to cartFront: You deserve to be celebrated.
Back: You do a lot of crazy shit… And you’re still alive.
TOO MUCH MOOLA
Front: We found you the perfect birthday gift. Back: It was expensive. So we didn't buy it.$5.00 Add to cartFront: We found you the perfect birthday gift.
Back: It was expensive. So we didn’t buy it.
COME CUM
Front: Your birthday is coming... Back: And I will make you cum on your birthday.$5.00 Add to cartFront: Your birthday is coming…
Back: And I will make you cum on your birthday.YOU SUCK TOGETHER
Front: Enjoy your wedding day. Back: Because I won't.Front: Enjoy your wedding day.
Back: Because I won’t.$5.00$2.50 Add to cartWEDDING CRASHERS
Front: I love going to weddings. Back: But there's no way I'm going to yours.Front: I love going to weddings.
Back: But there’s no way I’m going to yours.$5.00$2.50 Add to cartQUITTERS NEVER WED
Front: You're taking the walk down the aisle? Back: I thought you were going to quit on this like you do everything else.Front: You’re taking the walk down the aisle?
Back: I thought you were going to quit on this like you do everything else.$5.00$2.50 Add to cartSHEEPISH WEDDING
Front: Both of you have done a lot of wonderful things in your life. Back: But getting married isn't one of them.Front: Both of you have done a lot of wonderful things in your life.
Back: But getting married isn’t one of them.$5.00$2.50 Add to cartLIKE YOU, HATE YOU
Front: We've all been thinking about you. Back: And we've decided we don't like you anymore.Front: We’ve all been thinking about you.
Back: And we’ve decided we don’t like you anymore.$5.00$2.50 Add to cartI DON’T THINK
Front: Everyone has been thinking about you. Back: Well, not me.Front: Everyone has been thinking about you.
Back: Well, not me.$5.00$2.50 Add to cart
