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Cards

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    OH HAPPY DAY

    Birthday
    Front: Wishing you the happiest of days. Inside: If it's not a happy day, that's on you.
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    PARTIES SUCK

    Birthday
    Front: Time for your birthday party. Inside: Just so you know, I'm leaving after the cake and I didn't get a gift.
    $5.50
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    EAT EAT EAT

    Birthday
    Front: Today is your special day. Inside: Eat whatever the fuck you want.
    $5.50
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    BIRTHDAY BEAR DICK

    Birthday
    Front: Cheers to another year. Inside: Of dicking around until you die.
    $5.50
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    LOW LEVEL POSITION

    Cards
    Front: You are a fantastic dad. Inside: It's a shit job, but you're great at it.
    $5.50
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    DEAD OR ALIVE

    Cards
    Front: Happy Father's Day. Inside: Thanks for all the shit you did to keep me alive.
    $5.50
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    NOT YOUR SPERM

    Cards
    Front: You're like a dad to me. Inside: I didn't spawn from your seed, but I know you love me.
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    LOW LEVEL POSITION

    Cards
    Front: You are a fantastic mom. Inside: It's a shit job, but you're great at it.
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    DEAD OR ALIVE

    Cards
    Front: Happy Mother's Day. Inside: Thanks for all the shit you did to keep me alive.
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    NOT YOUR PUSSY

    Cards
    Front: You're like a mom to me. Inside: I didn't come out of your vag, but I know you love me.
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    THAT YOU FOR

    Cards
    Inside: Being fucking awesome.
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    PAPER RULES

    Cards
    Inside: Option 4. Hand them this greeting card + a six-pack. (The six-pack could be beer or doughnuts. Or both or neither.)
    $5.50
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    GIFTY GIFTY NEVER GETS

    Birthday
    Inside: Now you know why this card didn't come with a gift. (You're either a spoiled asshole kid or a grown-up that can buy their own damn stuff.)
    $5.50
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    LITTLE ASSHOLE THINGS

    Cards
    Inside: Don't be an asshole.
    $5.50
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    SASSY ASSHOLE

    Cards
    Inside: Reason 3. Because the word congratulations is so long that people hate writing it out themselves + they'd much rather just buy a card that spells it out for them.
    $5.50
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    FUCKING BIRTHDAY CARDS

    Birthday
    Inside: Reason 4. It likely means that I was invited to a celebration of some sort. (That means being around people.)
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    GETTING OLDER

    Birthday
    Inside: Reason 4. This is total bullshit. Getting older sucks. (Your body aches, your knees make noises + you sag a little more + more with each passing year.)
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    SNAIL MAIL IS THE BEST

    Birthday
    Inside: 3. Go out of your way to purchase them a birthday card in advance. Write a message, sign your name and mail or hand deliver the card to the birthday person. (Yes, this piece of paper that you spent money on will end up getting tossed, but the birthday person will know that, without a doubt, you are better than the folks that only did #1 or #2.)
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    TOO MUCH LOVE

    Cards
    Front: Time to buy gifts for everyone we love. Inside: Fuck. We love too many people.
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    BULLSHIT

    Cards
    Front: Another holiday season. Inside: This is bullshit.
    $5.50
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    HOLIDAY HOLIDAY

    Christmas
    Inside: Tip 3. Send out passive aggressive cards "joking" about how you hate the holidays. (Is it a joke? Or not? Best just keep to yourself.)
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    CREDIT THEFT

    Christmas
    Inside: You get to run around like crazy making sure the day is special for your family, but with zero credit because of "Santa." (Don't forget to buy a special role of "Santa" wrapping paper.)
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    TREE TRIMMING TIME

    Cards
    Front: Time to trim the tree. Inside: And some people outta my life.
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    BIG ONE

    Birthday
    Inside: Reason 4. You're getting pretty old, so you should celebrate while you still can. (Did you know that statistically you are 14% more likely to die on your birthday than any other day? Try not to party that hard.)
    $5.50

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  • Quick View

    OH HAPPY DAY

    Birthday
    Front: Wishing you the happiest of days. Inside: If it's not a happy day, that's on you.
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    PARTIES SUCK

    Birthday
    Front: Time for your birthday party. Inside: Just so you know, I'm leaving after the cake and I didn't get a gift.
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    EAT EAT EAT

    Birthday
    Front: Today is your special day. Inside: Eat whatever the fuck you want.
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    BIRTHDAY BEAR DICK

    Birthday
    Front: Cheers to another year. Inside: Of dicking around until you die.
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    LOW LEVEL POSITION

    Cards
    Front: You are a fantastic dad. Inside: It's a shit job, but you're great at it.
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    DEAD OR ALIVE

    Cards
    Front: Happy Father's Day. Inside: Thanks for all the shit you did to keep me alive.
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    NOT YOUR SPERM

    Cards
    Front: You're like a dad to me. Inside: I didn't spawn from your seed, but I know you love me.
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    LOW LEVEL POSITION

    Cards
    Front: You are a fantastic mom. Inside: It's a shit job, but you're great at it.
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    DEAD OR ALIVE

    Cards
    Front: Happy Mother's Day. Inside: Thanks for all the shit you did to keep me alive.
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    NOT YOUR PUSSY

    Cards
    Front: You're like a mom to me. Inside: I didn't come out of your vag, but I know you love me.
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    THAT YOU FOR

    Cards
    Inside: Being fucking awesome.
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    PAPER RULES

    Cards
    Inside: Option 4. Hand them this greeting card + a six-pack. (The six-pack could be beer or doughnuts. Or both or neither.)
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    GIFTY GIFTY NEVER GETS

    Birthday
    Inside: Now you know why this card didn't come with a gift. (You're either a spoiled asshole kid or a grown-up that can buy their own damn stuff.)
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    LITTLE ASSHOLE THINGS

    Cards
    Inside: Don't be an asshole.
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    SASSY ASSHOLE

    Cards
    Inside: Reason 3. Because the word congratulations is so long that people hate writing it out themselves + they'd much rather just buy a card that spells it out for them.
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    FUCKING BIRTHDAY CARDS

    Birthday
    Inside: Reason 4. It likely means that I was invited to a celebration of some sort. (That means being around people.)
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    GETTING OLDER

    Birthday
    Inside: Reason 4. This is total bullshit. Getting older sucks. (Your body aches, your knees make noises + you sag a little more + more with each passing year.)
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    SNAIL MAIL IS THE BEST

    Birthday
    Inside: 3. Go out of your way to purchase them a birthday card in advance. Write a message, sign your name and mail or hand deliver the card to the birthday person. (Yes, this piece of paper that you spent money on will end up getting tossed, but the birthday person will know that, without a doubt, you are better than the folks that only did #1 or #2.)
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    TOO MUCH LOVE

    Cards
    Front: Time to buy gifts for everyone we love. Inside: Fuck. We love too many people.
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    BULLSHIT

    Cards
    Front: Another holiday season. Inside: This is bullshit.
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    HOLIDAY HOLIDAY

    Christmas
    Inside: Tip 3. Send out passive aggressive cards "joking" about how you hate the holidays. (Is it a joke? Or not? Best just keep to yourself.)
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    CREDIT THEFT

    Christmas
    Inside: You get to run around like crazy making sure the day is special for your family, but with zero credit because of "Santa." (Don't forget to buy a special role of "Santa" wrapping paper.)
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    TREE TRIMMING TIME

    Cards
    Front: Time to trim the tree. Inside: And some people outta my life.
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    BIG ONE

    Birthday
    Inside: Reason 4. You're getting pretty old, so you should celebrate while you still can. (Did you know that statistically you are 14% more likely to die on your birthday than any other day? Try not to party that hard.)
    $5.50
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