The Cards
DICKMAN
Front: I built a snowman, but he melted. Back: What a dick.$5.00 Add to cartFront: I built a snowman, but he melted.
Back: What a dick.
CHRISTMAS SHIT SHOW
Front: Christmas is here. Back: Let's get this shit over with.$5.00 Add to cartFront: Christmas is here.
Back: Let’s get this shit over with.
REINDEER MEAT
Front: I saw a couple of Santa's reindeer recently. Back: I slaughtered them. Their meat is delicious.$5.00 Add to cartFront: I saw a couple of Santa’s reindeer recently.
Back: I slaughtered them. Their meat is delicious.
MERRY CHRISTMAS OR WHATEVER
Front: We wish you a Merry Christmas. Back: Well, some of us do...$5.00 Add to cartFront: We wish you a Merry Christmas.
Back: Well, some of us do…
WILD THINGS
Front: Have you ever wondered what reindeer do on their days off? Back: You don't want to know. It's wildly inappropriate.$5.00 Add to cartFront: Have you ever wondered what reindeer do on their days off?
Back: You don’t want to know. It’s wildly inappropriate.
PEE PEE PANTS
Front: One word of advice?
Back: Kegels.$5.00 Add to cartFront: One word of advice?
Back: Kegels.
SMALL SAVAGES
Front: Congratulations.
Back: Babies ruin everything.$5.00 Add to cartFront: Congratulations.
Back: Babies ruin everything.
OH BABY BABY
Front: I adore babies.
Back: But don't expect babysitting. Or diaper changes.$5.00 Add to cartFront: I adore babies.
Back: But don’t expect babysitting. Or diaper changes.
LEAKY BOOBIES
Front: Your baby is so cute.
Back: I'm lactating just looking at it.$5.00 Add to cartFront: Your baby is so cute.
Back: I’m lactating just looking at it.
BASTARD CHILD
Front: Congratulations.
Back: Your child is a bastard.$5.00 Add to cartFront: Congratulations.
Back: Your child is a bastard.
CUTIE PATOOTIE
Front: Congrats on the new baby.
Back: It's pretty fucking cute.$5.00 Add to cartFront: Congrats on the new baby.
Back: It’s pretty fucking cute.
GREETING CARD MYSTERY BAG
Greeting Card Mystery Bags include a random mix of 10 of our (amazing and hilarious) greeting cards and 10 plain white envelopes for $30 (that's just $3.00/card)! The contents will differ from one bag to a next and none of the bags will have repeats! Though rest assured, we're not jerks (well, we kind of are)... so we won't be filling a bag with 10 Retirement cards (or something equally silly).$30.00 Add to cartGreeting Card Mystery Bags include a random mix of 10 of our (amazing and hilarious) greeting cards and 10 plain white envelopes for $30 (that’s just $3.00/card)! The contents will differ from one bag to a next and none of the bags will have repeats! Though rest assured, we’re not jerks (well, we kind of are)… so we won’t be filling a bag with 10 Retirement cards (or something equally silly).
DIVORCE
Front: Thank you for including us in your special day. Back: Will we be invited to your divorce proceedings too?$5.00 Add to cartFront: Thank you for including us in your special day.
Back: Will we be invited to your divorce proceedings too?
SIN SIN SINFUL
Front: Congratulations. Back: You're no longer living in sin.$5.00 Add to cartFront: Congratulations.
Back: You’re no longer living in sin.
NO ONE BETTER
Front: You made me the person I am today.
Back: Good job. I'm fucking awesome.$5.00 Add to cartFront: You made me the person I am today.
Back: Good job. I’m fucking awesome.
YOU SUCK
Front: You'll do great. Just remember one thing. Back: Don't be yourself.$5.00 Add to cartFront: You’ll do great. Just remember one thing.
Back: Don’t be yourself.
GIMME THE HARD STUFF
Front: Sorry that you're going through this.
Back: If you need stronger drugs, just ask.$5.00 Add to cartFront: Sorry that you’re going through this.
Back: If you need stronger drugs, just ask.
THAT FUCKER BE TOUGH
Front: You'll get through this.
Back: You're a tough motherfucker.$5.00 Add to cartFront: You’ll get through this.
Back: You’re a tough motherfucker.
