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Front: We found you the perfect birthday gift. Back: It was expensive. So we didn’t buy it.
High Five Day
Front: You’ll get through this. Back: You’re a tough motherfucker.
Front: Got your panties in a bunch
You give me lady wood.
Got your panties in a bunch?
Front: You only get married once. Back: Theoretically.
Front: I heard you’re getting hitched. Back: You get knocked up or something?
Front: It’s Valentine’s Day. Back: But who gives a shit?
Front: It’s Valentine’s Day again. Back: Let’s get drunk.
Front: All I can do is think about you. Back: And it’s making me touch myself.
Front: You did a great job raising me, mom. Back: But I wouldn’t be so proud of the others.
Front: I love you so much. Back: You’re so fucking hot.
Front: Congrats on the new gig. Back: I guess it’s the best someone with your education can get.
Front: Good luck. Back: You little twerp.
Front: Hello. Back: Whore.
Front: I couldn’t ask for a friend better than you. Back: Believe me. I’ve tried.
Front: You did a great job raising me, dad. Back: But I wouldn’t be so proud of the others.
Front: Sending Christmas cards is almost a lost art. Back: So you’re an asshole if you don’t return one.
Front: Mr. and Mrs. Claus are perfect together. Back: She lets him do it up the ass.
Front: Have you ever seen Mrs. Claus? Back: I’d hit that.
Front: It must be your birthday. Back: I can tell because your boobs are sagging.