Front: It must be your birthday.
Inside: I can tell because your boobs are sagging.
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Front: So you’re having another birthday.
Inside: The way you drink I’m surprised you made it this far.
Front: Happy Birthday.
Inside: For the record, I’m only giving you this cuz it improves my chances of getting laid.
Front: I got you the best birthday gift ever.
Inside: But you don’t deserve the best. So I kept it.