Front: Santa Claus is great.
Back: But Mrs. Claus is a real bitch.
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Front: The love you two share is an inspiration.
Back: It inspires me to never get married.
Front: I’m so excited that you’re having a baby.
Back: Because I sure as hell don’t want one.
Front: It’s your anniversary.
Back: But who the fuck cares? (besides you two)