Front: Santa Claus is great.
Back: But Mrs. Claus is a real bitch.
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Front: I’m so excited that you’re having a baby.
Back: Because I sure as hell don’t want one.
Front: Your baby is going to be the cutest.
Back: Not very smart, but definitely cute.
Front: The love you two share is an inspiration.
Back: It inspires me to never get married.