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Front: We wish you a Merry Christmas.
Back: Well, some of us do…
Back: Your child is a bastard.
Front: You made me the person I am today.
Back: Good job. I’m fucking awesome.
Front: Christmas is all about friends and family.
Back: It’s too bad that you don’t have either.
Front: My heart aches for you.
Back: So does my erection.
Front: I love you so much.
Back: I get a boner just looking at you.
Front: The holiday season is the best.
Back: Until the credit card statement arrives.