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Front: Christmas is here. Back: Let’s get this shit over with.
Front: We’ve been thinking about you. Back: Mostly negative thoughts.
Front: We don’t know how to thank you. Back: So we’ll just sign our names in this card.
Front: We found you an amazing birthday gift. Back: But somehow a two-dollar whole didn’t seem appropriate.
Front: We decided to all chip in for your birthday. Back: This card is pretty great, huh?