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Ugly Christmas Sweater Day
Front: Congratulations on your big day. Back: When you two get a divorce, call me.
Front: Happy Valentine’s Day. Back: Let’s get freaky.
Front: Living away from you has taught me one thing. Back: You were suffocating me.
Front: I have feelings for you. Back: Feelings in my pants.
Front: I heard you got a promotion. Back: Way to sleep your way to the top.
Front: I heard what happened. Back: Wow, you just can’t do anything right.
Front: You’re smile makes me smile. Back: Cuz you look like a fucking goof.
Front: I know we’ll be friends forever. Back: Though I should tell you now, I don’t like you that much.
Front: Every Christmas Santa eats our cookies and drinks our milk. Back: Then he takes a huge dump in our bathroom.
Front: Merry Christmas. Back: That’s it. Merry Christmas.
Front: Have an amazing time. Back: Just don’t bring home any STD’s.
Front: I heard it’s your birthday. Back: I also heard I don’t give a shit.
Front: Happy Anniversary you two. Back: You aren’t sick of each other?