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Front: It’s too bad we can’t spend the holidays together.
Inside: Just kidding. We needed a year off.
Front: Time to go shopping.
Inside: This fucking sucks.
Front: Santa Claus is great.
Inside: But Mrs. Claus is a real bitch.
Front: Have you ever wondered where Santa gets his money?
Inside: It’s from sex trafficking.
Front: Happy Holidays.
Inside: Or whatever the fuck we’re supposed to say not to be offensive.
Front: Have yourself a merry little Christmas.
Back: And a happy fucking New Year.
Front: Season’s greetings.
Back: You son-of-a-bitch.
Front: Happy holidays.
Back: Well, they’d be happy if you gave me some money.