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Rub one out.
Masturbation is fun.
Front: Being alone on Valentine’s Day is okay. Back: As long as you don’t mind masturbating.
Front: All I can do is think about you. Back: And it’s making me touch myself.
Front: My heart aches for you. Back: So does my erection.
Front: I’m really going to miss you. Back: So thank god for masturbation.
Front: Love is powerful. Back: So are vibrators.
Front: So sweet and innocent. Back: Until all his socks start sticking together.