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Birthday

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    FUCKING BIRTHDAY CARDS

    Birthday
    Inside: Reason 4. It likely means that I was invited to a celebration of some sort. (That means being around people.)
    $5.50
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    GETTING OLDER

    Birthday
    Inside: Reason 4. This is total bullshit. Getting older sucks. (Your body aches, your knees make noises + you sag a little more + more with each passing year.)
    $5.50
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    SNAIL MAIL IS THE BEST

    Birthday
    Inside: 3. Go out of your way to purchase them a birthday card in advance. Write a message, sign your name and mail or hand deliver the card to the birthday person. (Yes, this piece of paper that you spent money on will end up getting tossed, but the birthday person will know that, without a doubt, you are better than the folks that only did #1 or #2.)
    $5.50
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    BIG ONE

    Birthday
    Inside: Reason 4. You're getting pretty old, so you should celebrate while you still can. (Did you know that statistically you are 14% more likely to die on your birthday than any other day? Try not to party that hard.)
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    CAKE MAKES IT BETTER

    Birthday
    Inside: Step 3. That's it... The cake will make you happy. (You make also experience feelings of guilt + disgust.)
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    ANTI SOCIAL TIME

    Birthday
    Inside: Follow this advice and you'll have a happy birthday. (All thanks to the genius greeting card writer that wrote this card and the brilliant person that chose it.)
    $5.50
  • Sale!
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    COVID BLANK

    Cards
    Front: We’re ready for this asshole virus to fuck off. Inside: Blank
    $1.00
  • Sale!
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    FUCKING COVID

    Cards
    Front: Sorry we couldn’t celebrate together. Inside: Fucking Covid.
    $1.00
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    NO CASH VALUE

    Birthday
    Front: Everyone loves getting money in a card. Inside: But I don't want to put a dollar value on our relationship.
    $5.00
  • Quick View

    TOO MUCH MOOLA

    Birthday
    Front: We found you the perfect birthday gift. Inside: It was expensive. So we didn't buy it.
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    CRAZY SHIT

    Birthday
    Front: You deserve to be celebrated. Inside: You do a lot of crazy shit... And you're still alive.
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    COME CUM

    Birthday
    Front: Your birthday is coming... Inside: And I will make you cum on your birthday.
    $5.50
  • Sale!
    Quick View

    STOP GETTING OLD

    Birthday
    Front: Every year you get older. Inside: And every year I like you less.
    $1.00
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    NOT AN AGELESS BEAUTY

    Birthday
    Front: You haven't aged a day since we met. Inside: But you looked old back then.
    $5.00
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    CARD CARD GIFT CARD

    Birthday
    Front: Want your birthday gift? Inside: Here's a gift card. Go get it.
    $5.50
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    NATALIE LIKES OWLS

    Birthday
    Front: You're a real hoot. Inside: Oops, I mean ho. You're a real ho.
    $5.50
  • Out Of Stock
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    FUCKING BIRTHDAYS

    Box Sets
    Box set contains 6 cards + 6 envelopes in a plastic box. FRONT: Happy Birthday. INSIDE: Holy fuck, you're old. FRONT: It's your birthday. INSIDE: Whoop-dee-fucking-doo. FRONT: Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. INSIDE: Shut the fuck up. FRONT: You only live once. INSIDE: Too bad you already fucked up. FRONT: May all your birthday wishes come true. INSIDE: Except for that one. You fucking pervert. FRONT: Have a very happy birthday. INSIDE: Or don't. I don't fucking care.  
    $25.00
  • Out Of Stock
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    THE ESSENTIALS

    Box Sets
    Box set contains 6 cards + 6 envelopes in a plastic box. FRONT: Thank you. INSIDE: You're fucking awesome. FRONT: Let's celebrate. INSIDE: I'll get the hookers. You get the blow. FRONT: It's great that you two found each other. INSIDE: Weirdos gotta stick together. FRONT: Babies are great. INSIDE: Unless you get one of the weird looking ones. FRONT: Happy birthday. INSIDE: Holy fuck, you're old. FRONT: Another year older. INSIDE: And you're still an asshole.  
    $25.00
  • Quick View

    BEST OF BIRTHDAYS

    Box Sets
    Box set contains 6 cards + 6 envelopes in a plastic box. FRONT: It's your birthday. INSIDE: So go fuck yourself. FRONT: Make a wish and blow out your candles. INSIDE: Then blow yourself. Cocksucker. FRONT: I heard it's your birthday. INSIDE: I also heard I don't give a shit. FRONT: You always throw the best birthday parties. INSIDE: Is it to make up for your small penis? FRONT: Have a happy birthday. INSIDE: Or rot in hell you old bastard. FRONT: You know who loves birthday parties? INSIDE: Little sissies.  
    $25.00
  • Quick View

    BITCH PARTY

    Cards
    Front: It's party time. Back: Where my bitches at?
    $5.00
  • Quick View

    JUST SAY NO

    Cards
    Front: Let's go celebrate. Back: I'll get the hookers. You get the blow.
    $5.00
  • Quick View

    MISTAKES HAPPEN

    Birthday
    Front: Let's celebrate your birth. Inside: Even though you were an unplanned pregnancy.
    $5.00

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  • Quick View

    FUCKING BIRTHDAY CARDS

    Birthday
    Inside: Reason 4. It likely means that I was invited to a celebration of some sort. (That means being around people.)
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    GETTING OLDER

    Birthday
    Inside: Reason 4. This is total bullshit. Getting older sucks. (Your body aches, your knees make noises + you sag a little more + more with each passing year.)
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    SNAIL MAIL IS THE BEST

    Birthday
    Inside: 3. Go out of your way to purchase them a birthday card in advance. Write a message, sign your name and mail or hand deliver the card to the birthday person. (Yes, this piece of paper that you spent money on will end up getting tossed, but the birthday person will know that, without a doubt, you are better than the folks that only did #1 or #2.)
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    BIG ONE

    Birthday
    Inside: Reason 4. You're getting pretty old, so you should celebrate while you still can. (Did you know that statistically you are 14% more likely to die on your birthday than any other day? Try not to party that hard.)
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    CAKE MAKES IT BETTER

    Birthday
    Inside: Step 3. That's it... The cake will make you happy. (You make also experience feelings of guilt + disgust.)
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    ANTI SOCIAL TIME

    Birthday
    Inside: Follow this advice and you'll have a happy birthday. (All thanks to the genius greeting card writer that wrote this card and the brilliant person that chose it.)
    $5.50
  • Sale!
    Quick View

    COVID BLANK

    Cards
    Front: We’re ready for this asshole virus to fuck off. Inside: Blank
    $1.00
  • Sale!
    Quick View

    FUCKING COVID

    Cards
    Front: Sorry we couldn’t celebrate together. Inside: Fucking Covid.
    $1.00
  • Quick View

    NO CASH VALUE

    Birthday
    Front: Everyone loves getting money in a card. Inside: But I don't want to put a dollar value on our relationship.
    $5.00
  • Quick View

    TOO MUCH MOOLA

    Birthday
    Front: We found you the perfect birthday gift. Inside: It was expensive. So we didn't buy it.
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    CRAZY SHIT

    Birthday
    Front: You deserve to be celebrated. Inside: You do a lot of crazy shit... And you're still alive.
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    COME CUM

    Birthday
    Front: Your birthday is coming... Inside: And I will make you cum on your birthday.
    $5.50
  • Sale!
    Quick View

    STOP GETTING OLD

    Birthday
    Front: Every year you get older. Inside: And every year I like you less.
    $1.00
  • Quick View
  • Quick View
  • Quick View

    NOT AN AGELESS BEAUTY

    Birthday
    Front: You haven't aged a day since we met. Inside: But you looked old back then.
    $5.00
  • Quick View

    CARD CARD GIFT CARD

    Birthday
    Front: Want your birthday gift? Inside: Here's a gift card. Go get it.
    $5.50
  • Quick View

    NATALIE LIKES OWLS

    Birthday
    Front: You're a real hoot. Inside: Oops, I mean ho. You're a real ho.
    $5.50
  • Out Of Stock
    Quick View

    FUCKING BIRTHDAYS

    Box Sets
    Box set contains 6 cards + 6 envelopes in a plastic box. FRONT: Happy Birthday. INSIDE: Holy fuck, you're old. FRONT: It's your birthday. INSIDE: Whoop-dee-fucking-doo. FRONT: Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. INSIDE: Shut the fuck up. FRONT: You only live once. INSIDE: Too bad you already fucked up. FRONT: May all your birthday wishes come true. INSIDE: Except for that one. You fucking pervert. FRONT: Have a very happy birthday. INSIDE: Or don't. I don't fucking care.  
    $25.00
  • Out Of Stock
    Quick View

    THE ESSENTIALS

    Box Sets
    Box set contains 6 cards + 6 envelopes in a plastic box. FRONT: Thank you. INSIDE: You're fucking awesome. FRONT: Let's celebrate. INSIDE: I'll get the hookers. You get the blow. FRONT: It's great that you two found each other. INSIDE: Weirdos gotta stick together. FRONT: Babies are great. INSIDE: Unless you get one of the weird looking ones. FRONT: Happy birthday. INSIDE: Holy fuck, you're old. FRONT: Another year older. INSIDE: And you're still an asshole.  
    $25.00
  • Quick View

    BEST OF BIRTHDAYS

    Box Sets
    Box set contains 6 cards + 6 envelopes in a plastic box. FRONT: It's your birthday. INSIDE: So go fuck yourself. FRONT: Make a wish and blow out your candles. INSIDE: Then blow yourself. Cocksucker. FRONT: I heard it's your birthday. INSIDE: I also heard I don't give a shit. FRONT: You always throw the best birthday parties. INSIDE: Is it to make up for your small penis? FRONT: Have a happy birthday. INSIDE: Or rot in hell you old bastard. FRONT: You know who loves birthday parties? INSIDE: Little sissies.  
    $25.00
  • Quick View

    BITCH PARTY

    Cards
    Front: It's party time. Back: Where my bitches at?
    $5.00
  • Quick View

    JUST SAY NO

    Cards
    Front: Let's go celebrate. Back: I'll get the hookers. You get the blow.
    $5.00
  • Quick View

    MISTAKES HAPPEN

    Birthday
    Front: Let's celebrate your birth. Inside: Even though you were an unplanned pregnancy.
    $5.00
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