Front: Today is all about you.
Inside: You’re so selfish.
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Front: So you’re having another birthday.
Inside: The way you drink I’m surprised you made it this far.
Front: Today is a special day to celebrate your life.
Inside: Too bad your life sucks.
Front: It’s your birthday, which means you should spoil yourself.
Inside: Maybe just lay off the cake. You’re looking kinda pudgy.