Front: You’re a real hoot.
Inside: Oops, I mean ho. You’re a real ho.
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Front: It must be your birthday.
Inside: I can tell because your boobs are sagging.
Front: Today is a special day to celebrate your life.
Inside: Too bad your life sucks.
Front: No birthday gift could express my true feelings for you.
Inside: Except, maybe, a pile of crap.