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Cards

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    PATHETIC SICKO

    Get Well
    Front: Wishing you a speedy recovery. Inside: It’s hard seeing you so pathetic.
    $5.95
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    FUCKING LEMONS

    Get Well
    Front: Sometimes life gives you lemons. Inside: And it fucking sucks.
    $5.95
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    MISERABLE ASSHOLE

    Get Well
    Front: Sorry to hear that you're sick. Inside: Is that why you’ve been such a miserable asshole?
    $5.95
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    WORTHLESS SHIT

    Congratulations
    Front: Congratulations. Inside: You're not a worthless piece of shit.
    $5.95
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    YOU’VE DONE BETTER

    New Baby
    Front: Congrats on the addition to your family. Inside: Must say, this baby is not your best work.
    $5.95
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    JUST DON’T

    New Baby
    Front: Congratulations on the new baby. Inside: Don't fuck it up.
    $5.95
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    DO BETTER

    New Baby
    Front: You are going to make excellent parents. Inside: Just do the opposite of whatever your parents did.
    $5.95
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    SEX CAME FIRST

    New Baby
    Front: Congratulations on the new baby. Inside: But shame on you for engaging in premarital sex.
    $5.95
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    FUCKED UP WAY

    Anniversary
    Front: Happy Anniversary to us. We’re perfect together. Inside: In our own fucked up way.
    $5.95
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    MIRACLEVERSARY

    Anniversary
    Front: Congratulations on your anniversary. Inside: How you’ve been able to stand each other this long is a freaking miracle.
    $5.95
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    OH HAPPY DAY

    Birthday
    Front: Wishing you the happiest of days. Inside: If it's not a happy day, that's on you.
    $5.95
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    PARTIES SUCK

    Birthday
    Front: Time for your birthday party. Inside: Just so you know, I'm leaving after the cake and I didn't get a gift.
    $5.95
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    EAT EAT EAT

    Birthday
    Front: Today is your special day. Inside: Eat whatever the fuck you want.
    $5.95
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    BIRTHDAY BEAR DICK

    Birthday
    Front: Cheers to another year. Inside: Of dicking around until you die.
    $5.95
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    LOW LEVEL POSITION

    Father's Day
    Front: You are a fantastic dad. Inside: It's a shit job, but you're great at it.
    $5.95
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    DEAD OR ALIVE

    Father's Day
    Front: Happy Father's Day. Inside: Thanks for all the shit you did to keep me alive.
    $5.95
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    NOT YOUR SPERM

    Father's Day
    Front: You're like a dad to me. Inside: I didn't spawn from your seed, but I know you love me.
    $5.95
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    LOW LEVEL POSITION

    Mother's Day
    Front: You are a fantastic mom. Inside: It's a shit job, but you're great at it.
    $5.95
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    DEAD OR ALIVE

    Mother's Day
    Front: Happy Mother's Day. Inside: Thanks for all the shit you did to keep me alive.
    $5.95
  • Quick View

    NOT YOUR PUSSY

    Mother's Day
    Front: You're like a mom to me. Inside: I didn't come out of your vag, but I know you love me.
    $5.95
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    THAT YOU FOR

    Thank you
    Inside: Being fucking awesome.
    $5.95
  • Quick View

    PAPER RULES

    Thank you
    Inside: Option 4. Hand them this greeting card + a six-pack. (The six-pack could be beer or doughnuts. Or both or neither.)
    $5.95
  • Quick View

    GIFTY GIFTY NEVER GETS

    Birthday
    Inside: Now you know why this card didn't come with a gift. (You're either a spoiled asshole kid or a grown-up that can buy their own damn stuff.)
    $5.95
  • Quick View

    LITTLE ASSHOLE THINGS

    Miscellaneous
    Inside: Don't be an asshole.
    $5.95

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  • Quick View

    PATHETIC SICKO

    Get Well
    Front: Wishing you a speedy recovery. Inside: It’s hard seeing you so pathetic.
    $5.95
  • Quick View

    FUCKING LEMONS

    Get Well
    Front: Sometimes life gives you lemons. Inside: And it fucking sucks.
    $5.95
  • Quick View

    MISERABLE ASSHOLE

    Get Well
    Front: Sorry to hear that you're sick. Inside: Is that why you’ve been such a miserable asshole?
    $5.95
  • Quick View

    WORTHLESS SHIT

    Congratulations
    Front: Congratulations. Inside: You're not a worthless piece of shit.
    $5.95
  • Quick View

    YOU’VE DONE BETTER

    New Baby
    Front: Congrats on the addition to your family. Inside: Must say, this baby is not your best work.
    $5.95
  • Quick View

    JUST DON’T

    New Baby
    Front: Congratulations on the new baby. Inside: Don't fuck it up.
    $5.95
  • Quick View

    DO BETTER

    New Baby
    Front: You are going to make excellent parents. Inside: Just do the opposite of whatever your parents did.
    $5.95
  • Quick View

    SEX CAME FIRST

    New Baby
    Front: Congratulations on the new baby. Inside: But shame on you for engaging in premarital sex.
    $5.95
  • Quick View

    FUCKED UP WAY

    Anniversary
    Front: Happy Anniversary to us. We’re perfect together. Inside: In our own fucked up way.
    $5.95
  • Quick View

    MIRACLEVERSARY

    Anniversary
    Front: Congratulations on your anniversary. Inside: How you’ve been able to stand each other this long is a freaking miracle.
    $5.95
  • Quick View

    OH HAPPY DAY

    Birthday
    Front: Wishing you the happiest of days. Inside: If it's not a happy day, that's on you.
    $5.95
  • Quick View

    PARTIES SUCK

    Birthday
    Front: Time for your birthday party. Inside: Just so you know, I'm leaving after the cake and I didn't get a gift.
    $5.95
  • Quick View

    EAT EAT EAT

    Birthday
    Front: Today is your special day. Inside: Eat whatever the fuck you want.
    $5.95
  • Quick View

    BIRTHDAY BEAR DICK

    Birthday
    Front: Cheers to another year. Inside: Of dicking around until you die.
    $5.95
  • Quick View

    LOW LEVEL POSITION

    Father's Day
    Front: You are a fantastic dad. Inside: It's a shit job, but you're great at it.
    $5.95
  • Quick View

    DEAD OR ALIVE

    Father's Day
    Front: Happy Father's Day. Inside: Thanks for all the shit you did to keep me alive.
    $5.95
  • Quick View

    NOT YOUR SPERM

    Father's Day
    Front: You're like a dad to me. Inside: I didn't spawn from your seed, but I know you love me.
    $5.95
  • Quick View

    LOW LEVEL POSITION

    Mother's Day
    Front: You are a fantastic mom. Inside: It's a shit job, but you're great at it.
    $5.95
  • Quick View

    DEAD OR ALIVE

    Mother's Day
    Front: Happy Mother's Day. Inside: Thanks for all the shit you did to keep me alive.
    $5.95
  • Quick View

    NOT YOUR PUSSY

    Mother's Day
    Front: You're like a mom to me. Inside: I didn't come out of your vag, but I know you love me.
    $5.95
  • Quick View

    THAT YOU FOR

    Thank you
    Inside: Being fucking awesome.
    $5.95
  • Quick View

    PAPER RULES

    Thank you
    Inside: Option 4. Hand them this greeting card + a six-pack. (The six-pack could be beer or doughnuts. Or both or neither.)
    $5.95
  • Quick View

    GIFTY GIFTY NEVER GETS

    Birthday
    Inside: Now you know why this card didn't come with a gift. (You're either a spoiled asshole kid or a grown-up that can buy their own damn stuff.)
    $5.95
  • Quick View

    LITTLE ASSHOLE THINGS

    Miscellaneous
    Inside: Don't be an asshole.
    $5.95
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