
Cards
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PATHETIC SICKO
Get WellFront: Wishing you a speedy recovery. Inside: It’s hard seeing you so pathetic.$5.95 -
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MISERABLE ASSHOLE
Get WellFront: Sorry to hear that you're sick. Inside: Is that why you’ve been such a miserable asshole?$5.95 -
WORTHLESS SHIT
CongratulationsFront: Congratulations. Inside: You're not a worthless piece of shit.$5.95 -
YOU’VE DONE BETTER
New BabyFront: Congrats on the addition to your family. Inside: Must say, this baby is not your best work.$5.95 -
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DO BETTER
New BabyFront: You are going to make excellent parents. Inside: Just do the opposite of whatever your parents did.$5.95 -
SEX CAME FIRST
New BabyFront: Congratulations on the new baby. Inside: But shame on you for engaging in premarital sex.$5.95 -
FUCKED UP WAY
AnniversaryFront: Happy Anniversary to us. We’re perfect together. Inside: In our own fucked up way.$5.95 -
MIRACLEVERSARY
AnniversaryFront: Congratulations on your anniversary. Inside: How you’ve been able to stand each other this long is a freaking miracle.$5.95 -
OH HAPPY DAY
BirthdayFront: Wishing you the happiest of days. Inside: If it's not a happy day, that's on you.$5.95 -
PARTIES SUCK
BirthdayFront: Time for your birthday party. Inside: Just so you know, I'm leaving after the cake and I didn't get a gift.$5.95 -
EAT EAT EAT
BirthdayFront: Today is your special day. Inside: Eat whatever the fuck you want.$5.95 -
BIRTHDAY BEAR DICK
BirthdayFront: Cheers to another year. Inside: Of dicking around until you die.$5.95 -
LOW LEVEL POSITION
Father's DayFront: You are a fantastic dad. Inside: It's a shit job, but you're great at it.$5.95 -
DEAD OR ALIVE
Father's DayFront: Happy Father's Day. Inside: Thanks for all the shit you did to keep me alive.$5.95 -
NOT YOUR SPERM
Father's DayFront: You're like a dad to me. Inside: I didn't spawn from your seed, but I know you love me.$5.95 -
LOW LEVEL POSITION
Mother's DayFront: You are a fantastic mom. Inside: It's a shit job, but you're great at it.$5.95 -
DEAD OR ALIVE
Mother's DayFront: Happy Mother's Day. Inside: Thanks for all the shit you did to keep me alive.$5.95 -
NOT YOUR PUSSY
Mother's DayFront: You're like a mom to me. Inside: I didn't come out of your vag, but I know you love me.$5.95 -
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PAPER RULES
Thank youInside: Option 4. Hand them this greeting card + a six-pack. (The six-pack could be beer or doughnuts. Or both or neither.)$5.95 -
GIFTY GIFTY NEVER GETS
BirthdayInside: Now you know why this card didn't come with a gift. (You're either a spoiled asshole kid or a grown-up that can buy their own damn stuff.)$5.95 -
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PATHETIC SICKO
Get WellFront: Wishing you a speedy recovery. Inside: It’s hard seeing you so pathetic.$5.95 -
-
MISERABLE ASSHOLE
Get WellFront: Sorry to hear that you're sick. Inside: Is that why you’ve been such a miserable asshole?$5.95 -
WORTHLESS SHIT
CongratulationsFront: Congratulations. Inside: You're not a worthless piece of shit.$5.95 -
YOU’VE DONE BETTER
New BabyFront: Congrats on the addition to your family. Inside: Must say, this baby is not your best work.$5.95 -
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DO BETTER
New BabyFront: You are going to make excellent parents. Inside: Just do the opposite of whatever your parents did.$5.95 -
SEX CAME FIRST
New BabyFront: Congratulations on the new baby. Inside: But shame on you for engaging in premarital sex.$5.95 -
FUCKED UP WAY
AnniversaryFront: Happy Anniversary to us. We’re perfect together. Inside: In our own fucked up way.$5.95 -
MIRACLEVERSARY
AnniversaryFront: Congratulations on your anniversary. Inside: How you’ve been able to stand each other this long is a freaking miracle.$5.95 -
OH HAPPY DAY
BirthdayFront: Wishing you the happiest of days. Inside: If it's not a happy day, that's on you.$5.95 -
PARTIES SUCK
BirthdayFront: Time for your birthday party. Inside: Just so you know, I'm leaving after the cake and I didn't get a gift.$5.95 -
EAT EAT EAT
BirthdayFront: Today is your special day. Inside: Eat whatever the fuck you want.$5.95 -
BIRTHDAY BEAR DICK
BirthdayFront: Cheers to another year. Inside: Of dicking around until you die.$5.95 -
LOW LEVEL POSITION
Father's DayFront: You are a fantastic dad. Inside: It's a shit job, but you're great at it.$5.95 -
DEAD OR ALIVE
Father's DayFront: Happy Father's Day. Inside: Thanks for all the shit you did to keep me alive.$5.95 -
NOT YOUR SPERM
Father's DayFront: You're like a dad to me. Inside: I didn't spawn from your seed, but I know you love me.$5.95 -
LOW LEVEL POSITION
Mother's DayFront: You are a fantastic mom. Inside: It's a shit job, but you're great at it.$5.95 -
DEAD OR ALIVE
Mother's DayFront: Happy Mother's Day. Inside: Thanks for all the shit you did to keep me alive.$5.95 -
NOT YOUR PUSSY
Mother's DayFront: You're like a mom to me. Inside: I didn't come out of your vag, but I know you love me.$5.95 -
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PAPER RULES
Thank youInside: Option 4. Hand them this greeting card + a six-pack. (The six-pack could be beer or doughnuts. Or both or neither.)$5.95 -
GIFTY GIFTY NEVER GETS
BirthdayInside: Now you know why this card didn't come with a gift. (You're either a spoiled asshole kid or a grown-up that can buy their own damn stuff.)$5.95 -
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