Front: Bringing a new life into this world is a beautiful thing.
Inside: But it hurts like a bitch.
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Front: Your baby is so cute.
Inside: I’m lactating just looking at it.
Front: I’m so excited that you’re having a baby.
Inside: Because I sure as hell don’t want one.
Front: I guess it’s time to baby-proof the house.
Inside: You don’t want any of those little buggers getting in.