Front: I’m happy to hear that you’re retiring. Back: Now I don’t have to put up with your shitty attitude.
Front: Waking up next to you every morning is a dream come true. Back: Unless your breath smells like shit.
Front: I can’t wait to see your new baby. Back: I hear it’s real ugly.
Front: Our love is forever. Back: But if you die first, I will move on.