Front: You’ll make a beautiful bride.
Back: But you should probably lose the moustache.
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Front: I always remember to give you a card for your birthday.
Inside: You don’t have many friends, so it’s the least I can do.
Front: Congratulations on your first Father’s Day.
Inside: You’re doing a terrible job.
Front: I’m glad Christmas only comes once a year.
Back: It’s hard pretending to like your shitty gifts.