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Front: Everyone loves getting money in a card.
Back: But I don’t want to put a dollar value on our relationship.
Front: We found you the perfect birthday gift.
Back: It was expensive. So we didn’t buy it.
Front: What do you get for someone who has everything?
Front: Here’s a birthday card.
Back: Don’t expect a gift. This is it.
Front: I’m glad we’re friends.
Back: Except for when it’s your birthday and I’m expected to buy you something.
Front: This card means one thing.
Back: I don’t want to spend more than five dollars on you.
Front: I had no idea what to get you for your birthday.
Back: So here’s a card.
Front: No birthday gift could express my true feelings for you.
Back: Except, maybe, a pile of crap.
Front: I got you the best birthday gift ever.
Back: But you don’t deserve the best. So I kept it.