Front: We found you the perfect birthday gift.
Back: It was expensive. So we didn’t buy it.
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Front: So you’re having another birthday.
Back: The way you drink I’m surprised you made it this far.
Front: Happy Birthday.
Back: For the record, I’m only giving you this cuz it improves my chances of getting laid.
Front: No birthday gift could express my true feelings for you.
Back: Except, maybe, a pile of crap.