Front: You deserve a huge birthday celebration.
Inside: But I’m just giving you a card and buying take-out.
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Front: It’s your birthday.
Inside: But don’t expect special treatment, I don’t like you that much.
Front: Today is a special day to celebrate your life.
Inside: Too bad your life sucks.
Front: No birthday gift could express my true feelings for you.
Inside: Except, maybe, a pile of crap.