Front: Did you hear the news?
Back: Santa died. Christmas is cancelled.
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Front: Your baby is going to be the cutest.
Back: Not very smart, but definitely cute.
Front: Waking up next to you every morning is a dream come true.
Back: Unless your breath smells like shit.
Front: Bringing a new life into this world is a beautiful thing.
Back: But it hurts like a bitch.