Front: The stockings are hung by the mantel with care.
Inside: Now we’re just waiting for Santa’s fat ass.
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Front: I’m so excited that you’re having a baby.
Inside: Because I sure as hell don’t want one.
Front: I guess it’s time to baby-proof the house.
Inside: You don’t want any of those little buggers getting in.
Inside: I knew you couldn’t keep your panties on.