Front: Your birthday is a reason to celebrate.
Inside: Celebrate coming out of your mom’s vagina.
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Front: It must be your birthday.
Inside: I can tell because your boobs are sagging.
Front: I got you the best birthday gift ever.
Inside: But you don’t deserve the best. So I kept it.
Front: As your friend I really have to let you in on something.
Inside: Your haircut is ridiculous.