Front: It’s Father’s Day and I have so much to thank you for.
Back: Like ruining my life.
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Front: Bringing a new life into this world is a beautiful thing.
Back: But it hurts like a bitch.
Front: I’m so excited that you’re having a baby.
Back: Because I sure as hell don’t want one.
Front: Our love is forever.
Back: But if you die first, I will move on.