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LOW LEVEL POSITION
CardsFront: You are a fantastic dad. Inside: It's a shit job, but you're great at it.$5.50 -
DEAD OR ALIVE
CardsFront: Happy Father's Day. Inside: Thanks for all the shit you did to keep me alive.$5.50 -
NOT YOUR SPERM
CardsFront: You're like a dad to me. Inside: I didn't spawn from your seed, but I know you love me.$5.50 -
LOW LEVEL POSITION
CardsFront: You are a fantastic mom. Inside: It's a shit job, but you're great at it.$5.50 -
DEAD OR ALIVE
CardsFront: Happy Mother's Day. Inside: Thanks for all the shit you did to keep me alive.$5.50 -
NOT YOUR PUSSY
CardsFront: You're like a mom to me. Inside: I didn't come out of your vag, but I know you love me.$5.50 -
2024 CALENDAR
Calendar- Shows you all the important holidays (ya know, like Thanksgiving and Steak and a Blowjob Day) - Size is 10.5" x 9.5" - Images can be cut to fit an 8" x 8" frame so you can keep it forever - Designed, printed, and manufactured in Canada$21.00$11.00 -
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PAPER RULES
CardsInside: Option 4. Hand them this greeting card + a six-pack. (The six-pack could be beer or doughnuts. Or both or neither.)$5.50 -
GIFTY GIFTY NEVER GETS
BirthdayInside: Now you know why this card didn't come with a gift. (You're either a spoiled asshole kid or a grown-up that can buy their own damn stuff.)$5.50 -
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SASSY ASSHOLE
CardsInside: Reason 3. Because the word congratulations is so long that people hate writing it out themselves + they'd much rather just buy a card that spells it out for them.$5.50 -
FUCKING BIRTHDAY CARDS
BirthdayInside: Reason 4. It likely means that I was invited to a celebration of some sort. (That means being around people.)$5.50 -
GETTING OLDER
BirthdayInside: Reason 4. This is total bullshit. Getting older sucks. (Your body aches, your knees make noises + you sag a little more + more with each passing year.)$5.50 -
SNAIL MAIL IS THE BEST
BirthdayInside: 3. Go out of your way to purchase them a birthday card in advance. Write a message, sign your name and mail or hand deliver the card to the birthday person. (Yes, this piece of paper that you spent money on will end up getting tossed, but the birthday person will know that, without a doubt, you are better than the folks that only did #1 or #2.)$5.50 -
TOO MUCH LOVE
CardsFront: Time to buy gifts for everyone we love. Inside: Fuck. We love too many people.$5.50 -
HOLIDAY HOLIDAY
ChristmasInside: Tip 3. Send out passive aggressive cards "joking" about how you hate the holidays. (Is it a joke? Or not? Best just keep to yourself.)$5.50 -
CREDIT THEFT
ChristmasInside: You get to run around like crazy making sure the day is special for your family, but with zero credit because of "Santa." (Don't forget to buy a special role of "Santa" wrapping paper.)$5.50 -
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BIG ONE
BirthdayInside: Reason 4. You're getting pretty old, so you should celebrate while you still can. (Did you know that statistically you are 14% more likely to die on your birthday than any other day? Try not to party that hard.)$5.50
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LOW LEVEL POSITION
CardsFront: You are a fantastic dad. Inside: It's a shit job, but you're great at it.$5.50 -
DEAD OR ALIVE
CardsFront: Happy Father's Day. Inside: Thanks for all the shit you did to keep me alive.$5.50 -
NOT YOUR SPERM
CardsFront: You're like a dad to me. Inside: I didn't spawn from your seed, but I know you love me.$5.50 -
LOW LEVEL POSITION
CardsFront: You are a fantastic mom. Inside: It's a shit job, but you're great at it.$5.50 -
DEAD OR ALIVE
CardsFront: Happy Mother's Day. Inside: Thanks for all the shit you did to keep me alive.$5.50 -
NOT YOUR PUSSY
CardsFront: You're like a mom to me. Inside: I didn't come out of your vag, but I know you love me.$5.50 -
2024 CALENDAR
Calendar- Shows you all the important holidays (ya know, like Thanksgiving and Steak and a Blowjob Day) - Size is 10.5" x 9.5" - Images can be cut to fit an 8" x 8" frame so you can keep it forever - Designed, printed, and manufactured in Canada$21.00$11.00 -
-
PAPER RULES
CardsInside: Option 4. Hand them this greeting card + a six-pack. (The six-pack could be beer or doughnuts. Or both or neither.)$5.50 -
GIFTY GIFTY NEVER GETS
BirthdayInside: Now you know why this card didn't come with a gift. (You're either a spoiled asshole kid or a grown-up that can buy their own damn stuff.)$5.50 -
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SASSY ASSHOLE
CardsInside: Reason 3. Because the word congratulations is so long that people hate writing it out themselves + they'd much rather just buy a card that spells it out for them.$5.50 -
FUCKING BIRTHDAY CARDS
BirthdayInside: Reason 4. It likely means that I was invited to a celebration of some sort. (That means being around people.)$5.50 -
GETTING OLDER
BirthdayInside: Reason 4. This is total bullshit. Getting older sucks. (Your body aches, your knees make noises + you sag a little more + more with each passing year.)$5.50 -
SNAIL MAIL IS THE BEST
BirthdayInside: 3. Go out of your way to purchase them a birthday card in advance. Write a message, sign your name and mail or hand deliver the card to the birthday person. (Yes, this piece of paper that you spent money on will end up getting tossed, but the birthday person will know that, without a doubt, you are better than the folks that only did #1 or #2.)$5.50 -
TOO MUCH LOVE
CardsFront: Time to buy gifts for everyone we love. Inside: Fuck. We love too many people.$5.50 -
HOLIDAY HOLIDAY
ChristmasInside: Tip 3. Send out passive aggressive cards "joking" about how you hate the holidays. (Is it a joke? Or not? Best just keep to yourself.)$5.50 -
CREDIT THEFT
ChristmasInside: You get to run around like crazy making sure the day is special for your family, but with zero credit because of "Santa." (Don't forget to buy a special role of "Santa" wrapping paper.)$5.50 -
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BIG ONE
BirthdayInside: Reason 4. You're getting pretty old, so you should celebrate while you still can. (Did you know that statistically you are 14% more likely to die on your birthday than any other day? Try not to party that hard.)$5.50 -
CAKE MAKES IT BETTER
BirthdayInside: Step 3. That's it... The cake will make you happy. (You make also experience feelings of guilt + disgust.)$5.50 -
ANTI SOCIAL TIME
BirthdayInside: Follow this advice and you'll have a happy birthday. (All thanks to the genius greeting card writer that wrote this card and the brilliant person that chose it.)$5.50 -
CRAZY BABY
CardsInside: Thing 4. They can rip your vagina apart during delivery, but you'll love that little bugger more than anything in the world. (Or they can be forcefully cut from your stomach while you're awake... either way, you'll need stitches, but you won't care cause you love them.)$5.50
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