Front: It must be your birthday.
Back: I can tell because your boobs are sagging.
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Front: Every year on this day, we celebrate your birth.
Back: And I’m getting sick of it.
Front: So you’re having another birthday.
Back: The way you drink I’m surprised you made it this far.
Front: No birthday gift could express my true feelings for you.
Back: Except, maybe, a pile of crap.