Front: You deserve to be celebrated.
Inside: You do a lot of crazy shit… And you’re still alive.
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Front: So you’re having another birthday.
Inside: The way you drink I’m surprised you made it this far.
Front: As your friend I really have to let you in on something.
Inside: Your haircut is ridiculous.
Front: Every year on this day, we celebrate your birth.
Inside: And I’m getting sick of it.