Front: You deserve to be celebrated.
Inside: You do a lot of crazy shit… And you’re still alive.
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Front: Happy Birthday.
Back: Holy fuck, you’re old.
Front: It’s your birthday and I love you so much it burns.
Back: Or maybe that’s the herpes.
Front: It’s your birthday, which means you should spoil yourself.
Back: Maybe just lay off the cake. You’re looking kinda pudgy.