Front: Father’s Day is different now that I’m a parent.
Back: Now I understand what a pain in the ass kids are.
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Front: I believe that opposites attract.
Inside: Just look. I’m awesome and you’re not.
Front: I’m so excited that you’re having a baby.
Inside: Because I sure as hell don’t want one.
Front: It’s your anniversary.
Inside: But who the fuck cares? (besides you two)