Front: You did a great job raising me, mom.
Back: But I wouldn’t be so proud of the others.
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Front: I can’t wait to see your new baby.
Back: I hear it’s real ugly.
Front: Waking up next to you every morning is a dream come true.
Back: Unless your breath smells like shit.
Front: Happy Anniversary, babe. You’re great.
Back: But I’m definitely better.