GETTING MY SHIT TOGETHER
April 8, 2024
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Quick ViewASS FACE
CardsFront: Do you believe in Santa? Back: Get your head out your ass. He's not real.$5.00 -
Quick ViewCRAZY LITTLE BASTARDS
CardsFront: I love elves. Inside: Those little fuckers know how to party.$5.00 -
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Quick ViewSANTA’S SHIT STINKS
CardsFront: Every Christmas Santa eats our cookies and drinks our milk. Back: Then he takes a huge dump in our bathroom.$5.00 -
Quick ViewSANTA IS A BADASS
CardsFront: Grandma got ran over by a reindeer again. Inside: That bitch had it coming.$5.00 -
Quick ViewHO HO HO
CardsFront: I waited up all night to see Santa. Back: He was wasted and there was a hooker in his sleigh.$5.00 -
Quick ViewFUCK ME SANTA
CardsFront: Hopefully Santa doesn't forget my house. Back: I want to ride that jolly son-of-a-bitch all night.$5.00 -
Quick ViewCREEPY MCCREEPERSON
CardsFront: He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. Back: He must be stalking you.$5.00 -
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Quick ViewCHRISTMAS IS AWESOME
CardsFront: It's true what they say about Christmas. Inside: It's fucking awesome.$5.50 -
Quick ViewFAT BASTARD
CardsFront: Last year Santa ate all the cookies I left out. Back: That fat bastard.$5.00 -
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Quick ViewEVERYTHING IS GREEN
CardsFront: Santa asked me what you wanted for Christmas. Back: I told him to fuck off.$5.00 -
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Quick ViewSEND A HUG AND KISS CARD
CardsFront: Every Christmas I send you a card in the mail. Back: And this year is no fucking different.$5.00 -
Quick ViewDON’T BUY ME SOCKS
CardsFront: I'm glad Christmas only comes once a year. Back: It's hard pretending to like your shitty gifts.$5.00
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Quick ViewI HATE BIRTHDAYS
BirthdayFront: Have a happy birthday. Inside: Or rot in hell you old bastard.$5.00 -
Quick ViewBIRTHDAYS ARE STUPID
BirthdayFront: I'm glad we're friends. Inside: Except for when it's your birthday and I'm expected to buy you something.$5.00 -
Quick ViewDRUNKEN LOSERS
BirthdayFront: Hooray for your birthday. Inside: Let's go out and drink responsibly.$5.00 -
Quick ViewA FIVE DOLLAR GIFT
BirthdayFront: This card means one thing. Inside: I don't want to spend more than five dollars on you.$5.00 -
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Quick ViewWHY GIVE ANYTHING ELSE
BirthdayFront: I had no idea what to get you for your birthday. Inside: So here's a card.$5.00 -
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Quick ViewDOWN WITH THE OLDIES
BirthdayFront: Happy birthday to a dear old friend. Inside: An old, old, old, old, old, old friend.$5.50 -
Quick ViewYOU DANCE LIKE ELAINE
BirthdayFront: Let's go out dancing for your birthday. Inside: Actually, maybe you should stay home. You're embarrassing.$5.00 -
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Quick ViewHA HA YOU’RE A FUCK UP
BirthdayFront: You only live once. Inside: Too bad you already fucked up.$5.00 -
Quick ViewSHUT THE FUCK UP
BirthdayFront: Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Inside: Shut the fuck up.$5.00 -
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Quick ViewYOUR HAIR SUCKS
BirthdayFront: As your friend I really have to let you in on something. Inside: Your haircut is ridiculous.$1.00 -
Quick ViewOH POOP
BirthdayFront: No birthday gift could express my true feelings for you. Inside: Except, maybe, a pile of crap.$5.00 -
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Quick ViewBOOBIES
BirthdayFront: It must be your birthday. Inside: I can tell because your boobs are sagging.$5.50 -
Quick ViewSCOOTIE HAMSTER
BirthdayFront: For your birthday lets do something special. Inside: Sex with strangers is special, right?$5.00 -
Quick ViewI’M THE BEST
BirthdayFront: I got you the best birthday gift ever. Inside: But you don't deserve the best. So I kept it.$5.00 -
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Quick ViewYEAH, I’M HORNY
BirthdayFront: Happy Birthday. Inside: For the record, I'm only giving you this cuz it improves my chances of getting laid.$5.50 -
Quick ViewI JUST DON’T CARE
BirthdayFront: Everyone keeps telling me it's your birthday. Inside: Like I'm supposed to care or something.$5.00 -
Quick ViewFRIENDLESS LOSER
BirthdayFront: I started to plan a big party for your birthday. Inside: But there was no one to invite since you have no friends.$5.00
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