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Greeting Cards

A CARD FOR
EVERY OCCASION

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    LUCKY BASTARD

    Congratulations
    Front: Congratulations. Inside: You lucky bastard.
    $5.00
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    HOT SHIT

    Congratulations
    Front: Congratulations. Inside: I bet you think you're hot shit now, don't you?
    $5.95
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    MISTAKE MAKER

    Congratulations
    Front: Congratulations. Inside: You're making the biggest mistake of your life.
    $5.00
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    LOST ART FART

    Christmas
    Front: Sending Christmas cards is almost a lost art. Inside: So you're an asshole if you don't return one.
    $5.00
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    BAD CREDIT SCORE

    Christmas
    Front: The holiday season is the best. Inside: Until the credit card statement arrives.
    $5.00
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    HOLIDAY CARD

    Christmas
    Front: It's the most wonderful time of year. Inside: Though writing in all the cards is a pain in the ass.
    $5.00
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    MORAL ORAL

    Christmas
    Front: I know what I'm giving you for Christmas. Inside: Oral.
    $5.00
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    DEAD HO HO HOBO

    Christmas
    Front: We went to see Santa. Inside: He smelled like a dead hobo.
    $5.00
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    HOLLY JOLLY DRUNK

    Christmas
    Front: Have a holly, jolly Christmas. Inside: By getting druuuuunk.
    $5.95
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    FOODIE

    Christmas
    Front: Tis the season. Inside: To get chubby.
    $5.95
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    HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEAR

    Christmas
    Front: Have yourself a merry little Christmas. Inside: And a happy fucking New Year.
    $5.95
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    BANG BANG BANG

    Christmas
    Front: Let's trim the tree and put up the stockings. Inside: And then bang until the New Year.
    $5.00
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    CRABBY SANTA PANTS

    Christmas
    Front: Know what Santa gave me last year? Inside: Crabs.
    $5.00
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    WORKING WITH ASSHOLES

    Christmas
    Front: You know Dasher and Dancer? Prancer and Vixen? Inside: They're assholes.
    $5.95
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    SAVED BY THE BELL

    Christmas
    Front: Sleigh bells ring, are you listening? Inside: Wait. Nevermind. That's just my phone.
    $5.95
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    LIMITED EDITION

    Christmas
    Front: I sat on Santa's lap. Inside: It gave him a boner.
    $5.95
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    FUCK FEST

    Christmas
    Front: Let's go to the north pole. Inside: I hear the orgies are insane.
    $5.00
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    SNATCH SNIFFER SANTA

    Christmas
    Front: I love Santa. Inside: He makes my panties wet.
    $5.00
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    BEARD POWER

    Christmas
    Front: I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus. Inside: I always knew she was a whore.
    $5.95
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    RUDY RUDY RUDY

    Christmas
    Front: Rudolph is the best. Inside: He has a really big dick.
    $5.95
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    REAR END HER

    Christmas
    Front: Mr. and Mrs. Claus are perfect together. Inside: She lets him do it up the ass.
    $5.00

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  • Sale!
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    FUCK FRIENDS

    Birthday
    Front: I always remember to give you a card for your birthday. Inside: You don't have many friends, so it's the least I can do.
    Original price was: $5.95.Current price is: $1.95.
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    BEER BOOBS BABES

    Birthday
    Front: Kids have the best birthday parties. Inside: But they never remember the beer.
    $5.95
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    SOMETHING BETTER

    Birthday
    Front: Let's celebrate your special day. Inside: Actually, nevermind. I have something better to do.
    $5.95
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    OLD TIMERS

    Birthday
    Front: I can't believe it's already your birthday. Inside: You're getting really old really fast.
    $5.95
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    SMALL PENIS

    Birthday
    Front: You always throw the best birthday parties. Inside: Is it to make up for your small penis?
    $5.95
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    VALUE MEAL

    Birthday
    Front: Here's a birthday card. Inside: Don't expect a gift. This is it.
    $5.95
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    WISH BITCH

    Birthday
    Front: Remember to make a wish before you blow out your candles. Inside: Maybe ask for a new face. Yours is looking a little rough.
    $5.95
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    BIRTHDAYS ARE OVERRATED

    Birthday
    Front: It's your birthday, huh? Inside: Well you can suck my ass. I don't give a damn.
    $5.95
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    HIPPOS HATE BIRTHDAYS

    Birthday
    Front: Time for another birthday. Inside: Goddamn I hate these things.
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    SHUT UP SHITHEAD

    Birthday
    Front: Happy Birthday. Inside: Shithead.
    $5.95
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    OLD MAN MOUSTACHE

    Birthday
    Front: It's your birthday. Inside: Damn. You're a lot older than I thought.
    $5.95
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    BIG HEAD BIGGER EGO

    Birthday
    Front: This birthday is a big one. Inside: So don't go dying on us.
    $5.95
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    SHIT SISTER

    Birthday
    Front: I heard it's your birthday. Inside: I also heard I don't give a shit.
    $5.95
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    COCKSUCKING BIRTHDAY

    Birthday
    Front: Make a wish and blow out your candles. Inside: Then blow yourself. Cocksucker.
    $5.95
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    ZEBRA IS A COOL WORD

    Birthday
    Front: Congratulations on another birthday. Inside: At your age most people are dead.
    $5.95
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    LIKE A FAT KID LIKES CAKE

    Birthday
    Front: I baked you a cake for your birthday. Inside: Then I ate it.
    $5.95
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    I HATE BIRTHDAYS

    Birthday
    Front: Have a happy birthday. Inside: Or rot in hell you old bastard.
    $5.00
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    BIRTHDAYS ARE STUPID

    Birthday
    Front: I'm glad we're friends. Inside: Except for when it's your birthday and I'm expected to buy you something.
    $5.95
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    DRUNKEN LOSERS

    Birthday
    Front: Hooray for your birthday. Inside: Let's go out and drink responsibly.
    $5.95
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    A FIVE DOLLAR GIFT

    Birthday
    Front: This card means one thing. Inside: I don't want to spend more than five dollars on you.
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
  • Sale!
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    BUST A MOVE

    Birthday
    Front: Happy Birthday. Inside: Let's bust a move.
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
  • Sale!
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    AWESOME IS AWESOME

    Birthday
    Front: Birthdays are awesome. Inside: Unless you're old.
    Original price was: $5.50.Current price is: $1.95.
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    WHY GIVE ANYTHING ELSE

    Birthday
    Front: I had no idea what to get you for your birthday. Inside: So here's a card.
    $5.95
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    SAUSI KNOX ROX

    Birthday
    Front: I love birthdays. Inside: Well, not yours.
    $5.00
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