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Greeting Cards

A CARD FOR
EVERY OCCASION

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    BANG BANG BANG

    Christmas
    Front: Let's trim the tree and put up the stockings. Inside: And then bang until the New Year.
    $5.00
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    CRABBY SANTA PANTS

    Christmas
    Front: Know what Santa gave me last year? Inside: Crabs.
    $5.00
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    WORKING WITH ASSHOLES

    Christmas
    Front: You know Dasher and Dancer? Prancer and Vixen? Inside: They're assholes.
    $5.95
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    SAVED BY THE BELL

    Christmas
    Front: Sleigh bells ring, are you listening? Inside: Wait. Nevermind. That's just my phone.
    $5.95
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    LIMITED EDITION

    Christmas
    Front: I sat on Santa's lap. Inside: It gave him a boner.
    $5.95
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    FUCK FEST

    Christmas
    Front: Let's go to the north pole. Inside: I hear the orgies are insane.
    $5.00
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    SNATCH SNIFFER SANTA

    Christmas
    Front: I love Santa. Inside: He makes my panties wet.
    $5.00
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    BEARD POWER

    Christmas
    Front: I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus. Inside: I always knew she was a whore.
    $5.95
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    RUDY RUDY RUDY

    Christmas
    Front: Rudolph is the best. Inside: He has a really big dick.
    $5.95
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    REAR END HER

    Christmas
    Front: Mr. and Mrs. Claus are perfect together. Inside: She lets him do it up the ass.
    $5.00
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    ASS FACE

    Christmas
    Front: Do you believe in Santa? Inside: Get your head out your ass. He's not real.
    $5.95
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    CRAZY LITTLE BASTARDS

    Christmas
    Front: I love elves. Inside: Those little fuckers know how to party.
    $5.95
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    FUCK YOU FUCKER

    Christmas
    Front: It's Christmas time. Inside: Fuck you and fuck your family.
    $5.95
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    BIG BUTT MAMA

    Christmas
    Front: Have you ever seen Mrs. Claus? Inside: I'd hit that.
    $5.00
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    SANTA’S SHIT STINKS

    Christmas
    Front: Every Christmas Santa eats our cookies and drinks our milk. Inside: Then he takes a huge dump in our bathroom.
    $5.00
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    SANTA IS A BADASS

    Christmas
    Front: Grandma got ran over by a reindeer again. Inside: That bitch had it coming.
    $5.95
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    HO HO HO

    Christmas
    Front: I waited up all night to see Santa. Inside: He was wasted and there was a hooker in his sleigh.
    $5.00
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    FUCK ME SANTA

    Christmas
    Front: Hopefully Santa doesn't forget my house. Inside: I want to ride that jolly son-of-a-bitch all night.
    $5.00
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    CREEPY MCCREEPERSON

    Christmas
    Front: He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake. Inside: He must be stalking you.
    $5.95
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    CHRISTMAS IS AWESOME

    Christmas
    Front: It's true what they say about Christmas. Inside: It's fucking awesome.
    $5.95
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    FAT BASTARD

    Christmas
    Front: Last year Santa ate all the cookies I left out. Inside: That fat bastard.
    $5.00

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    BIG HEAD BIGGER EGO

    Birthday
    Front: This birthday is a big one. Inside: So don't go dying on us.
    $5.95
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    SHIT SISTER

    Birthday
    Front: I heard it's your birthday. Inside: I also heard I don't give a shit.
    $5.95
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    COCKSUCKING BIRTHDAY

    Birthday
    Front: Make a wish and blow out your candles. Inside: Then blow yourself. Cocksucker.
    $5.95
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    ZEBRA IS A COOL WORD

    Birthday
    Front: Congratulations on another birthday. Inside: At your age most people are dead.
    $5.95
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    LIKE A FAT KID LIKES CAKE

    Birthday
    Front: I baked you a cake for your birthday. Inside: Then I ate it.
    $5.95
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    I HATE BIRTHDAYS

    Birthday
    Front: Have a happy birthday. Inside: Or rot in hell you old bastard.
    $5.00
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    BIRTHDAYS ARE STUPID

    Birthday
    Front: I'm glad we're friends. Inside: Except for when it's your birthday and I'm expected to buy you something.
    $5.95
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    DRUNKEN LOSERS

    Birthday
    Front: Hooray for your birthday. Inside: Let's go out and drink responsibly.
    $5.95
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    A FIVE DOLLAR GIFT

    Birthday
    Front: This card means one thing. Inside: I don't want to spend more than five dollars on you.
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
  • Sale!
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    BUST A MOVE

    Birthday
    Front: Happy Birthday. Inside: Let's bust a move.
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    AWESOME IS AWESOME

    Birthday
    Front: Birthdays are awesome. Inside: Unless you're old.
    Original price was: $5.50.Current price is: $1.95.
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    WHY GIVE ANYTHING ELSE

    Birthday
    Front: I had no idea what to get you for your birthday. Inside: So here's a card.
    $5.95
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    SAUSI KNOX ROX

    Birthday
    Front: I love birthdays. Inside: Well, not yours.
    $5.00
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    DOWN WITH THE OLDIES

    Birthday
    Front: Happy birthday to a dear old friend. Inside: An old, old, old, old, old, old friend.
    $5.95
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    YOU DANCE LIKE ELAINE

    Birthday
    Front: Let's go out dancing for your birthday. Inside: Actually, maybe you should stay home. You're embarrassing.
    $5.95
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    SISSY

    Birthday
    Front: You know who loves birthday parties? Inside: Little sissies.
    $5.00
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    HA HA YOU’RE A FUCK UP

    Birthday
    Front: You only live once. Inside: Too bad you already fucked up.
    $5.95
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    SHUT THE FUCK UP

    Birthday
    Front: Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Inside: Shut the fuck up.
    $5.95
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    YOUR HAIR SUCKS

    Sale
    Front: As your friend I really have to let you in on something. Inside: Your haircut is ridiculous.
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    OH POOP

    Birthday
    Front: No birthday gift could express my true feelings for you. Inside: Except, maybe, a pile of crap.
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    KISSING LEADS TO BABIES

    Birthday
    Front: Happy Birthday. Inside: Wanna make out?
    $5.95
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    WHAT AN ASS

    Birthday
    Front: Another year older. Inside: And you're still an asshole.
    $5.95
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    BOOBIES

    Birthday
    Front: It must be your birthday. Inside: I can tell because your boobs are sagging.
    $5.95
  • Sale!
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    SCOOTIE HAMSTER

    Birthday
    Front: For your birthday lets do something special. Inside: Sex with strangers is special, right?
    Original price was: $5.95.Current price is: $1.95.
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