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Greeting Cards

A CARD FOR
EVERY OCCASION

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    COCKY MOFO

    Congratulations
    Front: You must be so proud of yourself. Inside: You cocky motherfucker.
    $5.95
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    BALLS BALLS BALLS

    Congratulations
    Front: Congratulations. Inside: You finally grew a pair.
    $5.95
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    LOWERED EXPECTATIONS

    Congratulations
    Front: You did a great job. Inside: But expectations were low.
    $5.00
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    ATTENTION SEEKING DOG

    Congratulations
    Front: Congratulations. You did it. Inside: Big fucking deal.
    $5.00
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    I’M BETTER THAN YOU

    Congratulations
    Front: Congrats. Inside: You think you're better than me?
    $5.00
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    YOU NORMALLY SUCK

    Congratulations
    Front: Congratulations. Inside: You've finally impressed me.
    $5.00
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    JUST SAY NO

    Congratulations
    Front: Let's go celebrate. Inside: I'll get the hookers. You get the blow.
    $5.95
  • Sale!
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    I’M JUST JEALOUS

    Congratulations
    Front: Congratulations. Inside: I hate you.
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    YOU USUALLY FAIL

    Congratulations
    Front: Congrats. Inside: I can't believe you actually did it.
    $5.95
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    THIS CARD IS MEAN

    Congratulations
    Front: I just want to say congratulations. Inside: You didn't fuck up for once.
    $5.00
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    LUCKY BASTARD

    Congratulations
    Front: Congratulations. Inside: You lucky bastard.
    $5.00
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    HOT SHIT

    Congratulations
    Front: Congratulations. Inside: I bet you think you're hot shit now, don't you?
    $5.95
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    MISTAKE MAKER

    Congratulations
    Front: Congratulations. Inside: You're making the biggest mistake of your life.
    $5.00
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    LOST ART FART

    Christmas
    Front: Sending Christmas cards is almost a lost art. Inside: So you're an asshole if you don't return one.
    $5.00
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    BAD CREDIT SCORE

    Christmas
    Front: The holiday season is the best. Inside: Until the credit card statement arrives.
    $5.00
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    HOLIDAY CARD

    Christmas
    Front: It's the most wonderful time of year. Inside: Though writing in all the cards is a pain in the ass.
    $5.00
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    MORAL ORAL

    Christmas
    Front: I know what I'm giving you for Christmas. Inside: Oral.
    $5.00
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    DEAD HO HO HOBO

    Christmas
    Front: We went to see Santa. Inside: He smelled like a dead hobo.
    $5.00
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    HOLLY JOLLY DRUNK

    Christmas
    Front: Have a holly, jolly Christmas. Inside: By getting druuuuunk.
    $5.95
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    FOODIE

    Christmas
    Front: Tis the season. Inside: To get chubby.
    $5.95
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    HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEAR

    Christmas
    Front: Have yourself a merry little Christmas. Inside: And a happy fucking New Year.
    $5.95

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  • Quick View

    OLD BROAD

    Birthday
    Front: Happy Birthday. Inside: You old broad.
    $5.95
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    MOMMY’S VAG

    Birthday
    Front: Your birthday is a reason to celebrate. Inside: Celebrate coming out of your mom's vagina.
    $5.95
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    DEAD BEAT

    Birthday
    Front: Happy birthday. Inside: Think you'll make it to the next one?
    $5.95
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    ANOTHER FUCKING DAY

    Birthday
    Front: Have a very happy birthday. Inside: Or don't. I don't fucking care.
    $5.95
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    MEAT AND MORE MEAT

    Birthday
    Front: It's time to celebrate you. Inside: Dinner and a bj?
    $5.95
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    DRINK DRANK DRUNK

    Birthday
    Front: Another birthday. Inside: Another reason to get shit-faced.
    $5.95
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    OLD AND UGLY

    Birthday
    Front: Getting old is hard. Inside: Especially when you start looking like shit.
    $5.95
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    DIRTY DREAMS

    Birthday
    Front: May all your birthday wishes come true. Inside: You fucking pervert.
    $5.95
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    NOW YOU HAVE NOTHING

    Birthday
    Front: What do you get for someone who has everything? Inside: Nothing.
    $5.95
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    WHORES R US

    Birthday
    Front: We found you an amazing birthday gift. Inside: But somehow a two-dollar whole didn't seem appropriate.
    $5.95
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    WE’RE ALL CHEAPSKATES

    Birthday
    Front: We decided to all chip in for your birthday. Inside: This card is pretty great, huh?
    $5.95
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    SKUNKS LIKE IT DIRTY

    Birthday
    Front: This year your birthday is extra special. Inside: So go get laid.
    $5.95
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    SUGAR TITS

    Birthday
    Front: For your birthday how about a nice dinner and some dancing? Inside: You're paying.
    $5.95
  • Sale!
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    FUCK FRIENDS

    Birthday
    Front: I always remember to give you a card for your birthday. Inside: You don't have many friends, so it's the least I can do.
    Original price was: $5.95.Current price is: $1.95.
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    BEER BOOBS BABES

    Birthday
    Front: Kids have the best birthday parties. Inside: But they never remember the beer.
    $5.95
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    SOMETHING BETTER

    Birthday
    Front: Let's celebrate your special day. Inside: Actually, nevermind. I have something better to do.
    $5.95
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    OLD TIMERS

    Birthday
    Front: I can't believe it's already your birthday. Inside: You're getting really old really fast.
    $5.95
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    SMALL PENIS

    Birthday
    Front: You always throw the best birthday parties. Inside: Is it to make up for your small penis?
    $5.95
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    VALUE MEAL

    Birthday
    Front: Here's a birthday card. Inside: Don't expect a gift. This is it.
    $5.95
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    WISH BITCH

    Birthday
    Front: Remember to make a wish before you blow out your candles. Inside: Maybe ask for a new face. Yours is looking a little rough.
    $5.95
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    BIRTHDAYS ARE OVERRATED

    Birthday
    Front: It's your birthday, huh? Inside: Well you can suck my ass. I don't give a damn.
    $5.95
  • Sale!
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    HIPPOS HATE BIRTHDAYS

    Birthday
    Front: Time for another birthday. Inside: Goddamn I hate these things.
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    SHUT UP SHITHEAD

    Birthday
    Front: Happy Birthday. Inside: Shithead.
    $5.95
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    OLD MAN MOUSTACHE

    Birthday
    Front: It's your birthday. Inside: Damn. You're a lot older than I thought.
    $5.95
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