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Greeting Cards

A CARD FOR
EVERY OCCASION

SHOP GREETING CARDS
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    MALLS WILL BLEED YOU DRY

     Christmas
    Front: Time to go shopping. Inside: This fucking sucks.
    $5.00
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    MRS. BITCH CLAUS

     Christmas
    Front: Santa Claus is great. Inside: But Mrs. Claus is a real bitch.
    $5.95
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    TRAFFIC STOP

     Christmas
    Front: Have you ever wondered where Santa gets his money? Inside: It's from sex trafficking.
    $5.00
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    HAPPY WHATEVER

     Christmas
    Front: Happy Holidays. Inside: Or whatever the fuck we're supposed to say not to be offensive.
    $5.95
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    CARROT WANG

     Christmas
    Front: Frosty was at the winter carnival. Inside: He was flashing everyone his carrot wang.
    $5.95
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    MAIL ORDER BRIDE

     Wedding
    Front: Congrats on finding the perfect bride. Inside: Did you buy her off the internet?
    $5.00
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    OPEN IT UP

     Wedding
    Front: Congratulations on your engagement. Inside: Will it be an open bar?
    $5.00
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    CRAZY SHIT

     Birthday
    Front: You deserve to be celebrated. Inside: You do a lot of crazy shit... And you're still alive.
    $5.95
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    COME CUM

     Birthday
    Front: Your birthday is coming... Inside: And I will make you cum on your birthday.
    $5.95
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    YOU SUCK TOGETHER

     Sale
    Front: Enjoy your wedding day. Inside: Because I won't.
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    QUITTERS NEVER WED

     Sale
    Front: You're taking the walk down the aisle? Inside: I thought you were going to quit on this like you do everything else.
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    SHEEPISH WEDDING

     Sale
    Front: Both of you have done a lot of wonderful things in your life. Inside: But getting married isn't one of them.
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    LIKE YOU, HATE YOU

     Sale
    Front: We've all been thinking about you. Inside: And we've decided we don't like you anymore.
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    ASKING FOR TROUBLE

     Sale
    Front: I'm really sorry. Inside: But you asked for it.
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    CUPID STINKS

     Sale
    Front: Cupid is great. Inside: But I think his aim was off when he put us together.
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    NO ONE LOVES TURTLES

     Sale
    Front: It's that time of year again. Inside: Too bad no one loves you.
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    THERE’S NO CHANCE

     Sale
    Front: I spoke with cupid last night. Inside: You're going to die alone.
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    LOVE SUCKS

     Sale
    Front: I love Valentine's Day. Inside: I just don't love you.
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    MAKE ME A SANDWICH

     Mother's Day
    Front: You are an excellent mother and wife. Inside: Though your cooking sucks.
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    MY GRAMMA IS THE BEST

     Mother's Day
    Front: Not everyone gives their grandmas a Mother's Day card. Inside: Slip me a twenty and we'll call it even.
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    BAD MOMMY

     Mother's Day
    Front: Congratulations on your first Mother's Day. Inside: You're doing a terrible job.
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    WINSOME HEROES

     New Home
    Front: What a beautiful new home. Inside: Sure beats the dump that I'm living in.
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    BIRDS HAVE HOUSES TOO

     New Home
    Front: Your new house is great. Inside: But mine is better.
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    PENIS FOR BRAINS

     Graduation
    Front: You graduated. Inside: I though you could only think with your penis.
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    DUMBASS MORON

     Graduation
    Front: I'm proud of you. Inside: But then again, what kind of moron can't graduate?
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    FREE MOUSTACHE RIDES

     Good Luck
    Front: I wish you the best of luck. Inside: Even though you don't deserve it.
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    BOY OH BOY

     Good Luck
    Front: Good luck. Inside: Boy, do you need it.
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    I WANT YOU TO LEAVE

     Goodbye
    Front: A little bird told me that you're leaving. Inside: Good riddance.
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    BAD DADDY

     Father's Day
    Front: Congratulations on your first Father's Day. Inside: You're doing a terrible job.
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    CAN’T CUT CORD

     Father's Day
    Front: Dad. Inside: Cut the cord already.
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    WHORE AY HOORAY

     Goodbye
    Front: I heard you're leaving. Inside: Hooray.
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    NEVER REGRET

     Father's Day
    Front: It's your first Father's Day. Inside: Regretting it yet?
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    LITTLE BRAT

     Father's Day
    Front: Since it's your first Father's Day I thought I'd get you a card. Inside: We both know your little brat won't get you anything.
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    MOMMY ISSUES

     Father's Day
    Front: I love you dad. Inside: But where's my mommy?
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    PARTY TIME

     Christmas
    Front: I'm having a big Christmas party. Inside: But you're not invited.
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    HAPPY BIRTHDAY FAT ASS

     Belated Birthday
    Front: Your birthday just slipped my mind. Inside: I guess I was too busy thinking about your fat ass.
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    WE’RE NOT FRIENDS

     Belated Birthday
    Front: A real friend would never forget your birthday. Inside: Which explains why I forgot yours.  We're not really friends.
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    STOP GETTING OLD

     Birthday
    Front: Every year you get older. Inside: And every year I like you less.
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    IT’S A GIRL

     New Baby
    Front: It's a girl. Inside: Or is it?
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    YOU GOT KNOCKED UP

     New Baby
    Front: I heard you got knocked up. Inside: Congratulations. I guess.
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    STROLLER BOY

     New Baby
    Front: Congratulations on your new baby. Inside: Do you know who the daddy is?
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    YOU ANNOY ME

     Anniversary
    Front: Our anniversary is a day to celebrate our love. Inside: Too bad I can't stand to look at you any more.
    Original price was: $5.00.Current price is: $1.95.
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    CONGRATULATIONS (INSERT SASSY REMARK)

     Banners $15.00
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    HAPPY BIRTHDAY (INSERT INSULT)

     Banners $15.00
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    HAPPY (FUCKING) BIRTHDAY BANNER

     Banners $12.00
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